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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by blueskiesoc@lemmy.world to c/adhd@lemmy.world

Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian

For the visually impaired, the images are a series of Twitter screenshots.

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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:

Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.

That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.

Habits are things that they do without thinking.

They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.

That system...which I lack.

Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.

Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,

It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.

It never gets easier.

Just more familiar.

It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.

I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.

Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.

I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.

And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?

ON TIME?

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[-] Aceticon@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

For me (neurotypical as far as I know), habits are a mix of 3 things:

  • Conditioning from when I was a kid (quite literally Pavlovian Conditioning) which I will do without thinking. For example I will clean my shoes on the doormat both on the way in and the way out, the latter not really making logical sense: I've just been conditioned by my mother when I was a kid with constant "Clean your shoes!" and the behaviour just got associated with the trigger of going over the doormat, hence I unthinkingly do it also on the way out
  • Familiar and always (so far) no problem choices. For example having lunch in pretty much always the same handful of places, buying the same brand of certain things. As an introvert I am not comfortable with new places with new people plus there is a cognitive cost (and risk) with trying new things, hence the familiar feels comfortable and the unfamiliar discomforting. The habit is driven by favoring the easy/comforting over the discomforting. This is not the same as being unable to change: I'm actually a serial immigrant and can very quickly adjust to living in a completelly new place and a different country (nowadays it takes me only a few days) - it's just that there is a huge barrier to actually get myself to the point of starting such a change.
  • Stuff I have to force myself to do because it's important to do it for social or health reasons. Shave, proper cooking (rather than quick improvisation involving no significant meal preparation or ready-made meals), even brushing my teeth.

All those things qualify as habits (in the sense of being done regularly) but the drives for each class of thing are very different.

PS: I get the impression that what some think of as habits in a neurotypical sense is mainly the first class of things. As far as I know nobody has only conditioned habits, plus you can't really condition complex things (at best you can have a "get up and go do it" conditioning).

[-] sequential@lemm.ee 12 points 1 year ago

I'm like this too, as a neurodivergent without ADHD. Everything I do, I do deliberately and thoughtfully, with intense focus. Even driving, I can't go into autopilot mode. It's probably why I need a nap most days...

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[-] foo@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 year ago

My worst habit is ignoring all the reminders on my phone... which I set in hope of building habits...🙁

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[-] tomkatt@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

I'm fairly certain I'm ND, but never fully knew if it was Autism (Aspergers?) or ADHD. Mom never followed up on the testing when I was a kid (and neither did I as an adult), but autism runs high in my family, and I have low and high functioning extended family.

Yeah, definitely not ADHD. I have issues, stims, triggers, but I'm functional, and can definitely form habits, and don't necessarily experience the issues noted here.

[-] Hextic@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago
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[-] aidan@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

No, xd, nobody just exercises without initiating it. The point of making exercise as a habit is that if you have this momentum then you might feel a slight obligation to do it and be more familiar with it so it's not intimidating.

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[-] A_Chilean_Cyborg@feddit.cl 10 points 1 year ago

There are things that I get to become automatic but they're very small

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[-] d4rknusw1ld@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

As someone who thinks he has ADHD and not Bipolar is now confused after reading this. I feel like I have habits but I’m like half way in half way out on this. Feel like I’m straddling the fence.

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[-] mykl@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Lol at expecting me to read those when you’ve somehow managed to screenshot them at an angle.

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[-] raspberry_confetti@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Wait whoa wait hold the fuck UP just one damn minute... You mean to tell me that's not what a habit feels like? What in the FUCK!?

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[-] Lemmylefty@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

I have habits! …sometimes.

No but seriously, I get into what I call “ruts”, be they good or bad, where I’m doing (or not doing something) routinely…for a few days, weeks, even months, and then it all comes crashing down.

It’s like my autistic side is wrestling with my ADHD side: I WANT and NEED things to be the same, but I can’t maintain it, so I just flip flop between what is and isn’t “normal” in the moment, which makes switching back hard.

[-] netwren@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Dude we need some legit study or science on this because if so this blows my brain. I'm a huge proponent of Seinfeld chains, and books on habit science, improving yourself. I have several apps but I'M CONSTANTLY struggling to do these systems. Like it feels impossible.

I have quit nail biting, I've done a month of meditation. I can concentrate intently on one thing for a period of time but then I context switch and because I'm not actively everyday using a checklist to remember what I have to do I don't do it.

I have cavities right now because I focused on something else I needed to do regularly and let my teeth go.

My friends and family make fun of me for constantly changing interests and habits and that I can't stick with one thing. Maybe!!! They aren't the same way because it's EASIER for them to be in automatic mode to do the same thing.

This is really mind fucking me right now.

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[-] Wander@yiffit.net 8 points 1 year ago

Huh... I definitely have to think about stuff, including habits.

[-] unhook2048@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

I have alarms. I feel this in my core though. I have very strict routines that I follow, but they sure as fuck aren't habbit's I have to watch the clock and get extremely anxious around the time I know I need to do things, all.the.things.

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this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2023
710 points (100.0% liked)

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