"pAiN pOiNtS"
these are not knots in muscles they are severe institutional shortcomings and failings that are draining us all, making us want to jump ship, hazardous, and in some cases even making the company lose profit but you fuckheads just want to write down pAiN pOiNtS and jerk yourselves and the shareholders off instead of actually doing ANYTHING MEANINGFUL
“You don’t have a sense of urgency to get things done”. I usually get this when I’m going crazy to get things done so my status reports and presentations suffer. I understand paperwork is necessary, but can’t you at least say that rather than claiming I’m not getting things done. Meanwhile they’re satisfied with my sends of urgency to get things done if I just ignore my work and pamper them with status reports and PowerPoints.
People saying something needs to be flushed out when they really want it fleshed out.
I can’t read this shit on the weekend you guys are killing me :p
Growth.
This isn't strictly corpo-speak, but upper mgmt type people do this a lot:
Misuse of the word "myself." Like, "if you have any questions, talk to Joe or myself."
Nice one dumb-ass--you tried to sound smarter by adding syllables but it didn't work, did it!
Effectuate
I'm going to effectuate this pole right up the ass of the next person to use that word.
One company I worked for decided it was a good idea to name a bunch of firings due to performance "Project Panda" 🤦
Place I worked at some time ago made a big speech and unveiled the following company motto to a lot of confused faces: "Engagement makes awareness sustainable."
I used to have a coworker who would also say things like "I'll ping you after the meeting" and I'd chuckle because it sounded so stupid.
One day he asked me why I was smirking and I lied and told him "You know what 'pinging' means, right? It's the act of putting a metal rod in your urethra and tapping it with a tuning fork."
He NEVER said it again.
What do you have against massages? I find them relaxing.
I don’t remember what it was exactly but someone said something along the lines of “we’ll need to massage it a bit as we roll it out” regarding a new system being implemented.
Let's circle back.
The Q3 numbers have a life of their own. Growing, shrinking, zig zagging all over the place. Pushing needles, pulling levers. And fyi, the roi is tbd. high five synergy!
This sounds like an Eric Andre sketch
"Good catch!"
Usually said when you bring up something that needs fixing, and said as a way to puff you up and not actually follow up on the problem.
AI
But specifically "How could we use AI?". If you dont know you don't need it. Also looking st you big tech.
Ping: emailing someone
Revert: emailing someone
[Topic] came up on diary: I'm emailing someone
Signs you work in a bullshit email job.
Any talk of "we" from the boss really means "you". It's exceptionally maddening when the boss is already a POS who has an A+ for delegation but F- for teamwork and care factor.
Yesterday I aligned with Harold from the CD team on how to pull the data off their SI table, and so today I'm going to work on validating that data. I'll probably be done by tomorrow
Strategy.
No, your half-baked, half-plan you stole from an intern, is not only not good, the last guy tried it and we are still trying to fix that mess.
I’m not sure if it really counts as a buzzword though.
Flywheel. Stop.
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