I never found "the dream" qnd honestly

I dont know if i regret that more

No regrets. The dream was unrealistic; the path to it filled with shitty pay, shitty people, and shitty tasks - all for a 0.001% chance of success. I realized I preferred having a normal life and enjoyed my youth instead. My current life is more enjoyable than chasing the dream ever was.

I wanted to be a filmmaker but was forced to choose a different path when my grandfather (who had set up a small college fund for me) refused to pay for school unless I chose something more practical. I caved and majored in journalism (my mom was a photojournalist before I was born) but was so heartbroken I dropped out in my first year. I tried a second time to go to school but I couldn't stay engaged after learning the thing I had been working towards since middle school was no longer an option.

I ended up going to work in tech instead. In my late 20's I thought I would figure out making short films on my own wrote a script, bought some gear, but when I looked at how bad I was at social media and how much I wanted someone to see my work, I thought the odds were against it.

A few years ago some unrelated mental health issues made it impossible for me to work and I am writing a script for an audio drama which is hopefully cheaper to produce and a zine about Utopia while I recover.

Bailing on my dream wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Most of my problems and regrets are related to the undiagnosed and untreated mental illness that destroyed my already struggling career a few years ago. Not making the elder millennial version of Point Break sucks, but maybe if the audio drama works I can parley that success into a streaming series (Archive 81 style).

A dream is something you need to asume that you may never reach it. Or Maybe not in the form of you imagined. With the time I have been around, there were some things that after I had accomplished I realized they were actually dreams I wanted and I never knew. Some others became real dreams by valorating what happened.

I'm not getting a Nobel. It's mostly a political prize.

I'm not getting a second house in the Northern Hemisphere, somewhere around the Alps, so I'd get two autumns + winters per year. It sounds fancy but eventually it would become a chore.

I'm not marrying and having children. I simply don't see the point any more; I don't even care about romantic relationships any more.

I'm not going to make "the final" reconstruction of Proto-Indo-European, the one that will solve all issues with the current ones. It's fun to do some "backyard science" here and there, but other people are better skilled at this than I am.