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submitted 1 year ago by pmk@lemmy.sdf.org to c/mensliberation@lemmy.ca

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So, I'm just assuming we've all seen the discussions about the bear.
Personally I feel that this is an opportunity for everyone to stop and think a little about it. The knee-jerk reaction from many men seems to be something along the lines of "You would choose a dangerous animal over me? That makes me feel bad about myself." which results in endless comments of the "Akchully... according to Bayes theorem you are much more likely to..." kind.
It should be clear by now that it doesn't lead to good places.
Maybe, and I'm open to being wrong, but maybe the real message is women saying: "We are scared of unknown men."
Then, if that is the message intended, what do we do next? Maybe the best thing is just to listen. To ask questions. What have you experienced to make you feel that way?
I firmly believe that the empathy we give lays a foundation for other people being willing to have empathy for the things we try to communicate.
It doesn't mean we should feel bad about ourselves, but just to recognize that someone is trying to say something, and it's not a technical discussion about bears.
What do you think?

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[-] gimpchrist@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Yeah I absolutely still don't understand what this supposed Bear meme thing is.. like I guess some girl chose to be in a room with a bear instead of in a room with a man? Was it just a meme? I have no idea what is going on or why everyone is so upset about it it seems like something to just divert attention away from something else

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[-] Adramis@midwest.social 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

How is the appropriate answer not to just kill yourself because no matter what you do, you're going to be scaring someone just for existing?

I feel like a product of a bygone era that should just...not exist anymore. Existing as a 'good man' doesn't do any good.

[-] CautiousCharacter@awful.systems 2 points 1 year ago

Please don't do that. All humans are products of a bygone area. We have imperfect minds and bodies that evolved to solve problems that aren't really relevant anymore. But hopefully you can find some kind of peace inside that existence. You don't have to be defined by other people's prejudice toward you.

Have you tried therapy? I had to try multiple therapists before finding someone that worked for me, but I'm so happy I went through the process.

[-] JayDee@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 year ago

It doesn't really matter if you scare someone you don't know. They don't know you either. Ultimately it's reasonable to be uncomfortable around strangers.

If you still scare people even after interacting with them, don't take it personally. Lots of people have biases and past traumatic experiences that might paint you any which way.

Just focus on being kind and liked by the communities you're in, and don't take a defeatist mentality over someone being scared of you at first.

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[-] JayDee@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 year ago

Seeing all these comments that actually get it gives me hope for us dudes. I interact with so many dudebro types at work, and only have so much energy. And then coming onto Lemmy and seeing the same shit - it gets demoralizing real quick.

We gotta get dudes out of their own heads somehow - make them actually think about how they're affecting those around them, and get them to expand the number of ways they positively affect their local sphere and minimize the negative ways.

[-] pmk@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 1 year ago

There is hope, I think. I wanted to have sort of a meta-discussion about the question from a mens lib point of view. Like, this thing is circulating, it seems to be making many people upset, what is a healthy way to interpret or react to it?

[-] JayDee@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

I think it's to have the conversation with those close to us that felt offended in a measured, methodical fashion. I find that it often seems completely foreign for some of the guys I've talked to put themselves into someone else's shoes.

It is a slog quite often, and I think that there is some kind of training out there for having these kinds of conversations.

As always, it's about talking to these people without getting them offended. I agree with other leftists that it's absolutely exhausting - it honestly feels like some of these dudes want nothing but to feel like the victim of the situation sometimes. I still try and talk them through it when I can.

[-] pmk@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 1 year ago

it honestly feels like some of these dudes want nothing but to feel like the victim of the situation sometimes.

A part of this could be to recognize that they too might be trying to communicate something, wanting people to listen. The stalemate of mutual lack of listening. It's really a tricky, circular thing, and probably it's hard to just say "shut up and listen" to either side, when a precondition for listening is having trust that the other one will listen too.
I'm interested in increasing this trust between people. I also recognize that there is a level of feeling dismissed within me that makes me care less about others, and I assume that others could have that too.
If we could figure out a way to be at least a net positive in building trust and listening, then, well, step by small step, reinforcing the mutual feeling of trust, that would be good.
But sometimes it just feels impossible.

[-] kent_eh@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago

What do I think?

It's fiction.

Don't read too much into it.

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this post was submitted on 05 May 2024

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