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How should I feel about a dying parent who's worthless? (lemm.ee)
submitted 6 months ago by GrayBackgroundMusic@lemm.ee to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world
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I'm conflicted. I have a parent who's dying. I feel the void of the parenting I was supposed to receive. They never fulfilled any of the obligations I consider appropriate. I'm a parent, now. They did none of the things I'm doing for my kids.

On some level, I know the expectation is that I should feel sad. There's literally no realistic expectation that they'll turn a new leaf in their 70's and suddenly become a decent human being. Maybe there's a 1 in a million chance, but when they die, that's definitively 0. I want them to turn a new leaf, but I know it's unrealistic. I get jealous (and keep it to myself) when my friends and family have their parents in their lives.

On the other hand, they are literally the worst person in my life. I've never had anyone treat me as badly and fail me so hard as they have. I haven't spoken to them in years. They literally don't understand why, because they're a narcissist. Very "missing, missing reasons" kind of person.

So I'm conflicted. I have tons of evidence that they suck, but there's still a part of me that craves a parent actually being there. Part of me thinks I should feel bad when anyone suffers and passes away, but another part of me is borderline relieved.

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[-] Lifecoach5000@lemmy.world 32 points 6 months ago

Not a parent, didn’t have bad parents so take the below for what it’s worth.

All I can seriously offer you are my deepest sympathies for your situation. I really hope you find the answers you are searching for.

From an armchair philosophical standpoint, I don’t really feel like anyone should truly owe their parents anything. We didn’t ask to be brought into this world even though many people say life is a blessing. In the end, we all face death though and have to reconcile it in our own way. And if this person is truly one of the worst people in your life and mistreated you as a child then fuck em.

[-] TwigletSparkle 7 points 6 months ago

The best way I've seen it put:

Your parents didn't give you the 'gift ' of life, they gave themselves the gift of a baby.

this post was submitted on 17 May 2024
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