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I suspect nextcloud having performance issues with slow Disk IO. With rootless containers I had a much worse performance than rootfull. Also using MySQL Backend instead of SQLite did speedup the performance.
Nevertheless I have the same problems with nextcloud as you stated. Pretty much not as usable as I thought.
It's on a SATA drive, albeit hard drive not ssd and I'm using mariadb. Everybody seems to suggest I need a beefier server but as a developer myself, the functionality of the software doesn't seem to warrant anything more powerful.
How much memory? I think nextcloud wants around 8gb to run happily (ymmv). I've tried it with smaller sizes and ran into issues.
My setup is: The nextcloud server itself - 4GB - I'm using Nginx instead of Apache Postgres server - 2GB - I use this instead of MariaDB/MySQL Redis server - 2GB Storage server - 32GB - I use this for storing the actual files, not the virtual machine images or database stores. Elasticsearch server - 4GB - this is optional, and I'm probably going to decommission it
All are running FreeBSD.
Performance is reasonably OK.