Ah, so just an extremely long exposure and a lucky night on the aurora. Most aurora photos are artificially enhanced.

This article is pure satire and should not be taken seriously (unless you, too, have questioned your entire existence after losing access to a forest green Subaru Outback—then we get it). No actual riots, therapy sessions, or underground Subaru trades took place (that we know of). And for those currently in crisis due to the lack of green Outbacks, stay strong. Your identity is more than your car. (Probably.)