this post was submitted on 09 May 2024
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I have a couple of married friends. Both trans guys. They tried to adopt, and their options for surrogacy all fell through. So one of them carried their daughter. He didn't want to do it, but they were out of other options, so he did.
He wasn't "female whilst pregnant". He wasn't a mum, a mum to be, a pregnant woman, or any other term like that. He was a pregnant man, or when needed for clarity, a pregnant transgender man.
I'd ban you too, in a heartbeat, if you brought any of that bullshit in to a trans or queer sub that I moderate.
You having a trans kid doesn't give you permission to walk all over the voices and experiences of trans people trying to navigate pregnancy
Why is it so hard for some people to just say "ok" and move on because it's important to the other person. ESPECIALLY if "it's no big deal" then just do it and see how much more your NB and trans friends feel comfortable
Well its an opinion post. So i gave my opinion. Its not hate to have a different opinion. Im sure with further discussion we could have come to some understanding as happened later in that thread. Where i corrected some of my language and further explained my pov. As someone else clarified the opinion of the OP in a way that was easier for me to understand. We were very close to forming a better understanding of language and inclusion that made sense to each of us. Then the OP called me an asshole. Deleted their comment and i got banned.
Indifference can cause more harm than hate, just food for thought
Your experience with your trans friends is wholy different than mine. Maybe its regional or cultural but the FTM trans I know well wouldn't object to being referred to or lumped in with pregnant women on a general basis and if they did they are fully capable of correcting those refering to them with whatever term suits them. For non-binary pregnant person may sufice, for some FTM they may prefer pregnant man. Thats kinda my main problem i think. Health care is such an individual thing. There's absolutely no reason why a doctor, nurse, or receptionist cannot use whatever term the person in front of them prefers instead of the extremely illiteritive term pregnant people. Why not just say the Pregnant? Or heck pregnant individuals if addressing a group? Pregnant people just sounds strange on the tounge and doesn't really suit everyone. As a cis female person I want to be referred to as a pregnant woman not a pregnant person. Your friend maybe would have preferred pregnant man? Idk but why can't we just meet individuals as individuals that they are?
Cool. Whatever works for them.
But it's worth being aware that as you're not trans yourself, the whole "I have trans friends who are ok with this behaviour many trans people feel is problematic" just sounds like the same excuses bigots have used over the years. "I have black/trans/female friends who are ok with ".
Secondly, even if you are accurately representing their perspective, no one is taking away anyones right to identify with whatever terms best work for them. The issue is not pushing terms on to others who don't want them.
Your friends can identify with pregnant women all they like, but it becomes an issue when trans men who don't share that stance get told that they're the problem
Pregnancy vitamins.
How hard is that? Does it really need woman/people? Sheesh. Its like deodorant or razors that say "for men" or "for women" ...why is that even necessary!?!? Its the same stuff with a different color or different scent. Its all just dumb marketing.
Maybe people should just relax and realize that they don't need to be bothered by labels anyway. I guess sure you could argue that its easier being misgendered as a cis person and that Transgender have naturally more insecurities about it but then what about non-binary individuals? Either way they get misgendered but they dont seem as insecure about it?
Truthfully I think getting triggered by a stupid label on a pill bottle is kind of unnecessary. Just rip it off or write over it. Not a big deal. 99% of the people buying them are cis-female so they put woman on the label or put it in a stupid pink colored bottle or something....big deal. Its just a Pregnancy vitamin! Its the same thing no matter what color the bottle or what gendered nonsense is written on it. Smh.
It must suck going around choosing to be triggered by something like that. It shouldn't be that difficult to just be secure in your own indentity and stop letting the way the world works get under your skin.
And this is why you were banned. You posted bullshit. And when trans people explain why it's a problem, you tell them that no, actually, they're wrong, and that you, the person who isn't trans, knows how they should feel.
A little bit of friendly advice a very wise person gave once:
Truthfully I think getting triggered by a stupid label on a pill bottle is kind of unnecessary. Just rip it off or write over it. Not a big deal. 100% of the people buying them are people so they put people on the label or something…big deal. Its just a vitamin for pregnant people! Its the same thing no matter what color the bottle or what gendered nonsense is written on it. Smh.
It must suck going around choosing to be triggered by something like that. It shouldn’t be that difficult to just be secure in your own indentity and stop letting the way the world works get under your skin. So maybe instead of finding even more cumbersome paraphrases like "pregnant individuals" just to be contrarian when "people" is just as accurate and shorter, be secure in your identity. Don't let the way the world works get under your skin.
In case my deletion of the comment wasn't federated: mb, I didn't realise it was an image post.