I've noticed I have a problem with not noticing people's bad intentions until I'm well into an interaction or relationship, and not having good ways to respond when I do notice. Some of this may be brain, but I think much of it is habitual from things I was taught in my upbringing that don't work well in the world.
Has anyone successfully figured this one out? I've done a ton of work on myself and gotten a lot wiser, but I still keep falling into the same trap of giving my good faith time and words to people who are semiblatantly trying to take advantage of me, are asking questions in bad faith, or are just generally being kinda mean or creepy to me. Once I do notice, it's usually gotten to a point where it's a little costlier to exit the situation than I think it would be if I had noticed right away. It still happens even when I feel cynical or don't like/trust someone.
Any way to avoid this in the future? I guess I feel like I need a good reason to think "fuck this person." It's hard for me to react to it in the moment when it's not clear to me a)what they're doing and b)how to effectively shut it down or extricate myself.
I'm really not qualified in any way to state the below, just trying to draw from my personal experience and express what I think is useful and relevant in this situation.
English is not my first language
Honestly I think it is more useful and helpful to focus on the second part of the equation: exiting the situation.
Exiting situations is a tremendously useful life skill regardless of the other person(s) intentions while spotting people with bad intentions could become a burden as it might lead you down a path of mistrusting many more persons than you "need" to mistrust.
Learning to say "no" in different and effective ways is also a way to learn to say yes and will, in my experience, let you live a life closer to what you want.
I suspect that I'm still early on my path to communicate this effectively because I was not really listened to as a child, so my feelings and wishes where not seen as relevant to a situation.
As for how to do it: I don't really have anything groundbreaking to give you. But as with most things I suspect it's just practice: start saying no! And start acknowledging how you feel or felt even if it's too late to do anything about it as that can teach yourself to look for clues (inside yourself) in the future (maybe).
Thanks. Any good effective ways to exit situations that you have found work for you? I find when I start to feel uncomfortable it's harder for me decide what to do or say specifically.
I'm still quite bad at saying no and exiting situations, but I have become much better than before.
Some things I have done and try to remember to do: