Here, let me help you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turning_Japanese

Guess you're one of today's lucky 10,000!

Seconding this. The difference between science and fooling around is just keeping a journal, writing things down.

When I'm trying to hone in on my optimal experience with a particular bag of coffee, I'll keep journal entries in this fashion: coffee name, date/time, grind setting on my burr grinder, coffee:water weight ratio in grams, starting water temperature, and time of pour; I'll jot down a quick sentence after my first sip of how I feel about the taste, if I have time after finishing the cup I'll jot down how I felt about the cup.

I keep the journal (A6 size, spiral bound) and pen with my coffee making materials so it's just part of the process, I think it may be adds 2 minutes tops, and being able to accurately repeat what I've done on a previous day without having to try to remember is totally worth it to me.

If they'll hold the pill in their mouth... Mine will spit if it is even a tiny bit sour or bitter.

I think his mistake was not keeping them in the bathroom. The bathroom is obviously much more secure.