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I'm quitting again!
(sh.itjust.works)
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this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2023
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Hey 3 is a real milestone. Congrats! I remember sometimes I would try quitting just to get my number of daily cigarettes back down.
I hope you keep at it. If it helps, I started to thinking of my quitting like doing "reps" in a workout routine. I would try and skip just 1 cigarette at a time. The withdrawal was like "feeling the burn" - unpleasant yes, but ultimately good for me. You have good days and bad days, but after a while you get more used to swimming in that complex feeling of nicotine withdrawal; it begins to hold fewer surprises, and you're able to push further and further into it. Just like with exercise, you grow stronger with the practise.
My problem is I get really stressed out and unpleasant to be around when I cut down on cigarettes. it's tough on me but it really wears my wife down, because I get hissy with her and that's unfair. Even when I smoke 3 a day, I can't help behaving like a spoiled child. I need to work on that, but I don't know how. I don't mean to behave like that it's just that I'm stressed and jumpy as hell. And when you think about it, it makes sense that I act like a child having a hissy fit. I've literally taken away my own favorite passifyer.
Definitely not just a you problem. It's actually very relatable, and sadly, something I think we all have to go through.
I would get unpleasant and stupid, which was not amazing for my day job that involved daily meetings, and concentrating for hours at a time. The whole time I was worried I'd get fired for being so bad at my job. At one point my partner actually told me "go smoke" because I was being such an ass. I was happy to have "permission" to use, but it still made me feel, like you said, such a baby.
Anyway, when I did finally stop 100% I started it on a 1 week staycation, so I could get the absolutely worst part out of the way while I wasn't working. But after that it was all managing expectations. My partner knew what to expect by now, and I asked for grace while I went through the wringer. I told a couple close people at work what I was going through, so if I seemed off, that was why.
Even then I was not pleasant to be around, and there were probably entire days where my work output was close to 0. So when I failed, and had to deal with the shame of deciding whether to smoke in secret, or let people know I'd failed, it felt like I'd really lost a bit battle.
But you know, you just keep trying, and eventually it sticks.