Was having a fantastic day today. Then my mum came home from work sulking, because I left a fry pan soaking in the sink.

I did make the offer to move out multiple times, but she said to me she could never handle living alone, and doesn't want me to go.

I now have to be a therapist, fitness trainer, and support worker for my mum. This is about as absurd as my life is ever going to get - but I'm up for the challenge. I am ready to rebel against the absurd.

Now that I've conquered my chronic fatigue - I am ready to become a Superhero, and a Machine. Just fix everything wrong with this world, through sheer strength of the Will.

First time drinking Kava this week. Ordered a whole kg of Vanuatu Kava from TradeMe - it's good stuff.

Out of all the 'sedatives' I've tried, such as alcohol and cannabis - Kava produces the best sleep, by far. Without a hangover the next day. Even seems to have anti-depressant qualities. Liver damage can be a concern for heavy users - but that's usually because they mix it with alcohol.

Been to Hamilton today with my mum. Ordered some sushi, and passionfruit bubble tea. Had an episode of existential dread while sucking on the little bubbles at the bottom of my cup..

Now that I realize it - the best years of my life were the times that I spent playing video games, and nerding around on Discord servers, in my 20s. It's only now that I decided to cut down on my social media usage, that I'm having an identity crisis, and sort of wondering what to do with my life. I've seen the rise and fall of people like Boogie2988, Nikko Avocado, Andrew Tate, Logan Paul, etc. and it sort of spooked me just how anti-social people can become when they spend too much time online, immersed in internet culture.

It's a catch 22, but oh well? I'm only 30. I can still salvage what little youth I have left.....

Aliexpress!

Enjoying the sunshine while it lasts. More rain seems to be on its way.. despite the fact that we were promised a 'dry summer'. I'm thinking about just ditching my sneakers, and wearing gumboots, or waterproof rubber shoes.

I have more kale than I can eat in the backyard. Probably saved myself $50 already, and it's only been a few weeks. Next time I'll probably set aside the big patch for potatoes only - and then keep the kale and spinach in small containers. Eat air-fried potato chips all year round.

Been also doing a bit of reading on Anti-civ philosophy lately, though it's hard to imagine that we live in a civilization, let alone a society, when we barely even know the names of our neighbours.

Nobody living in an industrial society would ever wake up every morning thinking: ""Oh wow! I am part of this miraculous organization that enables me to have medical care, computer chips, clean running water, air conditioning and heating! Maybe I should think carefully about how my decisions impact the lives of my neighbours, so they can be just as happy as I am! I'm so glad I have a job!"".

Rather - most of us live our lives on autopilot. We vote on autopilot. We spend on autopilot. We hardly give anything much of a thought. And it's only during times of crisis and hardship that we take a step back and reflect on ourselves. And then of course there's Ozempic, anti-depressants, McDonald's, KFC, etc. Not to mention the ecological disasters we're facing. It makes me wonder if maybe it would be better for civilization to slowly fade away, or scale down significantly. It might just happen on its own, with the way things are going.

Yes. I actually just ordered a replacement battery for my Samsung Galaxy Note 5. Luckily it's only a matter of lifting a ribbon cable.

I think it's easier to fix electronics, than it is to fix simpler items like socks, shirts, pants, coffee cups, shoes, etc. Probably because the latter are designed to be disposable these days.

Gave my speech at my stepdad's funeral today - and then we got invited by his brother to the Zealong Tea Estate, back in Hamilton.

They had these newspaper cutouts on the wall showing all the celebrities who had visited the place before - including John Key, King Charles, Chinese president Xi Jinping, and many others.

I think I did a good job passing myself off as an upper class individual. Had to wear my mum's clothes, because all I really have is a hoodie, and some sweatpants. The tea was awesome. Stretched that expensive little tea bag as much as I could, by pouring myself up to 4 cups.

We came back to Otorohanga, looking for a pub. Tried the local Working Man's Club - but unfortunately, you couldn't order anything without being a member. There was not a single young face to be seen. Thirsty Weta tends to have slightly more young people, but they usually come with their parents for dinner and special occasions. The Loneliness seems to haunt me everywhere I go.. but it doesn't really bother me anymore. Every generation has its own wars, famines and struggles. Mine just happens to be a spiritual famine, and that's ok. I'll be a'ight

People's beliefs are intrinsically linked to personal Identity, and can therefore almost never be rational.

Then again: 'reason' itself does not exist. Sure, there's game theory, science, the scientific method and all that - but science is usually only followed when there's something to be gained economically, or strategically. And game theory also cannot account for irrational behavior.

Most of the time, people just follow their gut feelings, and do whatever feels right. So it helps to have a sense of humor when debating politics.

Struggling with insomnia and panic attacks again, though I'm the process of quitting caffeine to deal with anxiety for good.

We went to the Hamilton Cementery today, just to see if my photo collage with my stepdad's pictures was working. I have to render it again due to it having the wrong aspect ratio for the projector.

I ordered some Domino's pizza on the phone, on our way back to Otorohanga. They charged me $24 for what used to always be a regular-sized pizza, and some fries on the side. I thought I'd at least be some restaurant-quality dish - but it's just a bunch of bread with vegetables, cheese and sauce slapped onto it?

sigh I'm so tired of being broke. At least I can finally start work on my 34ft catamaran, now that my timber has arrived. I don't want to be here anymore. Give me a warm tropical paradise to anchor at. Catch anchovies and sardines all day. Order my medication online in bulk. The further from here, the better.

I love the sound of tuis on a hot spring morning

Another slow day. Still waiting for big deliveries...

I'm slowly coming to the realization that talking about one's problems is mostly a waste of time. The best way to live life is to be actively engaged in doing everything in your power to fix the immediate world around you.

Failing that - one should accept things the way they are, and move on. Because a lot of the times, life says: "No". And there's no guarantee that one's efforts will change the outcome of the situation. Likewise, the only real way to deal with pent-up emotions is to match their intensity through physical activity.

Great idea

Stayed up till 4am last night. Had a dream about being chased by the monsters from the TV show 'From'.

Was having so much fun.. but then I woke up, and now I'm back to reality. :(