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submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
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[-] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 106 points 8 months ago

I don't have to chop, stew, dismember, or sell a $5 bill. False equivalency argument.

[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 44 points 8 months ago

I know right? Picking up a lost $5 doesnt carry any of those rewarding tasks.

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 26 points 8 months ago

i think you ate the onion on c/theonion lol

[-] somtwo@lemmy.world 19 points 8 months ago
[-] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 4 points 8 months ago

Yes, I can read. And see where it's posted.

Doesn't mean I can't debunk a theoretical argument.

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 6 points 8 months ago

only the top 1% of IQs can debunk internet satire

[-] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 3 points 8 months ago

Aw crap, I'm not an IQ I'm an ENFJ. ;(

[-] Godric@lemmy.world 6 points 8 months ago

THE ONION DEBOOONKED!!!1!!!

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[-] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 13 points 8 months ago

It's fine. He never said it. He has said he thinks its ridiculous that he gets so much money for doing nothing compared to school teachers while paying less taxes.

[-] catsarebadpeople@sh.itjust.works 65 points 8 months ago

His parents were rich and the reason he's more rich is that he exploits lots and lots of people.

[-] soviettaters@lemm.ee 4 points 8 months ago
[-] catsarebadpeople@sh.itjust.works 15 points 8 months ago

If that actually happens then he'll no longer be a billionaire and that will be great. Until then he deserves the guillotine. Say it with me, there is zero reason for anyone to have a billion dollars and if they do the only way they have a billion dollars is by hurting other people. Every penny over a quarter billion (and that's generous), could have been given back to the labor that created it or directly to the supposed charities that he's giving to now. If you trust a single word a billionaire says then you're a fool.

[-] KevonLooney@lemm.ee 7 points 8 months ago

Dude breaks records for donating money to charity, has nothing named after him, is giving less than 1% to his kids (who run charities), lives in the same house he bought in the 50s, has no multimillion dollar yacht, has convinced dozens of billionaires to donate most of their money to charity, campaigns for higher taxes on billionaires like himself...

and you say he's not doing enough.

Here's Bernie Sanders talking about him:

https://markets.businessinsider.com/news/stocks/warren-buffett-right-class-war-taxes-rich-bernie-sanders-2020-8-1029532804?op=1

[-] catsarebadpeople@sh.itjust.works 11 points 8 months ago

Stop defending your slave master

[-] sunbeam60@lemmy.one 8 points 8 months ago

Why don’t you cool it a bit with the evocative language? It’s not the same as a slave talking about their “owner” and we all know it.

[-] catsarebadpeople@sh.itjust.works 2 points 8 months ago

Wow yep. That's the real issue here. People need to stop calling out billionaires and focus on the exact definition of modern wage slavery. Good thing you're here to wave your hands around or folks might notice that their pockets are being picked by the ruling class.

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[-] foo@programming.dev 10 points 8 months ago

Does he donate more or less than a 30 fixed tax on earnings?

[-] catsarebadpeople@sh.itjust.works 7 points 8 months ago

Spoken like someone who doesn't know what 1% of 120 billion dollars is

[-] soviettaters@lemm.ee 2 points 8 months ago

I don't need to trust what he says, he's already doing it. I can't imagine living my life hating people for simply being smart money managers. It must be awfully depressing to do that.

[-] catsarebadpeople@sh.itjust.works 11 points 8 months ago

Seems like your reading comprehension needs some work. I don't hate billionaires because they're "smart money managers" lol. Keeping drinking that capitalist Kool aid. You are being exploited. Stop licking the boots of your masters.

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[-] DAMunzy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 8 months ago

Hasn't done it yet and even if he does it will be to a charity he and his family will have control of. They'll still control the money and have the power that comes with.

Same with the Patagonia guy and his family. It's all bullshit to make liberals gush over them.

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[-] epyon22@programming.dev 56 points 8 months ago

Average net worth for 35-44 year olds $135 thousand his net worth $119.2 billion. $5 equivalent for him is ~$4,414,814.81

[-] Dagrothus@reddthat.com 53 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

If you skinned and sold squirrels at a rate of 7.56 squirrels per second, you'd reach his wealth in just 100 years! All it takes is a little hard work!

They'd also go extinct after 1 year. Maybe switch to rats.

[-] seth@lemmy.world 18 points 8 months ago

taking notes How long will the rats last if I maintain that rate?

[-] goferking0@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 8 months ago

Probably gone even faster as wouldn't you need a lot more rats to equal what you could get from a squirrel?

[-] shiveyarbles@beehaw.org 4 points 8 months ago

You could alternate between rats and squirrels to allow repopulation

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[-] epyon22@programming.dev 21 points 8 months ago

He can buy a super car with less impact on his net worth than you standing there wondering what to get out of the vending machine

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[-] TheGreenGolem@lemmy.dbzer0.com 43 points 8 months ago

Then they dare to go buy some fucking avocado toast and a mokke lattchiato or whatever the hell, on their fucking bikes with THEIR FUCKING HELMET ON!

[-] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 9 points 8 months ago

Don't buy avacado toast, make it.

Shits cheap af

[-] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 4 points 8 months ago

I don't get all the love for avacado. It tastes like mild plant butter to me. I save a lot of money by never buying it haha.

[-] NostraDavid@programming.dev 3 points 8 months ago

You have to throw some salt and pepper on it. Otherwise it's very bland. Kinda like an egg.

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[-] Godric@lemmy.world 5 points 8 months ago

Dude literally just find more dead squirrels for avocado toast money, it's that simple

[-] theneverfox@pawb.social 3 points 8 months ago

No, you don't understand the problem with avocado toast. You see, bread is a great source of carbs, and combined with the rind of the avocado, the scraps are a super food that leaves squirrels full of energy and with a thick coat that makes them neigh immortal

When's the last time you saw a dead squirrel ripe for the picking? It was free money

[-] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 28 points 8 months ago
[-] Peter1986C@lemmings.world 5 points 8 months ago

🤣 Thanks for repeating Abraham Lincoln's advice.

[-] jenny_ball@lemmy.world 3 points 8 months ago

i love how Lincoln has become the de facto one

[-] ikidd@lemmy.world 26 points 8 months ago

As someone that's shot a few squirrels for tying flies with, I'd just buy the damn tails. Squirrels are filthy little beasts and have a pile of parasites that crawl off them when they're dead.

[-] Fudoshin@feddit.uk 11 points 8 months ago

You evil bastard. How could you? They're so cute!

[-] ikidd@lemmy.world 23 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

They can be destructive fuckers. And, little known fact, red squirrels are the largest predator of juvenile rabbits.

Tasty, tasty rabbits.

[-] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 4 points 8 months ago

"There's only one way to eat a brace of connies."

[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

A squirrel tore up one of our lawn chair cushions to make its nest. Little piece of shit. Then bits of lawn chair stuffing blew all over the neighborhood that winter.

[-] ikidd@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

I was wondering why I wasn't getting telemetry from my watering bowls and started tracking down the issue. I had leaned a pole with a LoRa antenna up against a tree, and one of the little bastards chewed the line through in about a dozen spots. If they get in the soffet of a house they'll tear all the insulation out, then store thousands of spruce cones in there, making a lovely fire hazard.

Hate them almost as much as mice.

[-] the_post_of_tom_joad@sh.itjust.works 22 points 8 months ago

He looks tough but marbled. Stew meat at Best

[-] Wahots@pawb.social 18 points 8 months ago

Squirrels are pretty high in cholesterol.

[-] magicalman315@lemmy.world 9 points 8 months ago

Thank you Catherine

[-] CurlyMoustache@lemmy.world 5 points 8 months ago

Free cholesterol!

[-] ULS@lemmy.ml 5 points 8 months ago

Sell it bro. eBay.

[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

So you're saying Americans would love it.

[-] RestrictedAccount@lemmy.world 15 points 8 months ago

Now you got a stew goin’

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this post was submitted on 19 Jan 2024
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