But it'll always appear on the opposite side of earth

Forwards is relative to the direction the Earth is traveling around the sun.

Your clothes and anything you are carrying don't teleport with you

You have to yell out the OPPOSITE of what you want to turn into.

You can't control your feet and they always shapeshift to a size that makes your shoes too tight.

Kicking causes your legs to fall off.

Granted. You also have prostate cancer.

Side effect: you have a 25% chance of your pants and underwear being affected instead of your desired target.

Only those that aren't racist.

The snap makes them even louder and more obnoxious.

Only one at a time. Every time you travel the universe shoots away from you at millions of miles an hour.