I started viewing playing guitar as a form of meditation. I will never write a song again. I will never release an album again. Playing guitar is for me. No, I don’t know any songs. No, I will not take requests. No, you may not pay me to entertain your drunken asshole customers. No, I will not play at your wedding. If I never hear Uptown Funk again, I will die happy. These riffs are for achieving enlightenment ONLY

This is basically me except there are two very large men named “masturbation” and “smoking pot” who are holding the rest of them back.