I feel you dude. Its hard to break the habit alone. Personally for me, I started therapy then started attending alcoholics anonymous. Ive been sober for almost a year now, after a decade of abusing alcohol.

Help is out there locally, if you reach out. Maybe attend an AA meeting. You can just sit and listen

c/stopdrinking may be a good resource. I used the subreddit when I was quitting drinking and found it to be a good avenue for support. I don't post often now because I don't feel the need to engage with the community after almost 3 years, but I find it comforting to know it's there. Wishing you the best.

I'm a recovered addict/alcoholic 11 years sober. I think one of the reasons I'm still sober is I remember the terrible feeling of going to bed every night not wanting to drink or use, yet every morning I would be calling my plug or immediately picking up a bottle.

I highly recommend attending an AA meeting. In the beginning they will likely ask if it's anyone's first time at an AA meeting. As awkward as you might feel, raise your hand. The topic should then be geared towards the newcomer, exactly what you want to hear. When the meeting was over, talk to someone. They will listen to you with out judging and share their experiences with the same thing.

As an alcoholic, my problem wasn't the drink or drug. My problem was that I wasn't content in my own skin and wanted anything to change the way I felt. Alcohol was just a solution, and the solution stopped working.

I won't lie and tell you everything is rainbows and sunshine since I got sober, but my quality of life has drastically changed. I have self worth and can sit comfortably in my own skin.

Seeking therapy is also something I highly recommend if you can afford it.

If you have any other questions or just want to talk, please dm me. If you're in the Houston area, I can take you to a meeting.

I've never been addicted to alcohol, but I've been addicted to a few other things, including self hate. (Literally, not figuratively)

It's comforting because it's free, readily available, and takes almost no effort, and it's virtually impossible to fail.

The first thing you have to do is want to change, and that part sounds so simple. Like most people, of course I wanted to change, but was I -ready- to? That's... harder. Loving myself, doing better, getting better... It can be terrifying.

I can't hide behind the mask of the Failure if I do that. It gives me a perfectly valid excuse to be a piece of shit, if I'm trying to be better, that excuse goes away. If I'm going to get better, I'll have to -do- better, and that was an overwhelming thought...

Others here have offered some great advice, too. AA meetings, Lemmy communities... It's near impossible to do alone. Find and share strength in others.

If any of this resonates with you, it may be that you need to confront the fear of being a better person. The fear of losing your excuse to be useless (as you put it)