Is it weird that I enjoy imagining being a witness/victim of various tragedies? (lemmy.world)

submitted 5 months ago by A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

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(TL;DR): I love being terrified, and this has led me to a fascination with imagining being a witness to / a victim of various tragedies. Is that weird?

The earliest example I can remember of wanting to know what it was like to be a victim of a tragedy was when I first learned what happened on 9/11. We were visiting my grandma, and she was watching a documentary about it. That's the first time I had seen the footage and heard an explanation of it all, and I was still a child (like way too young to be processing what I was seeing), but I was fascinated by it. Even after everyone had left the room to hang out on the porch, I stayed in the living room to watch more. I wanted to know everything, but most of all I wanted to know what it was like to be there. Both as a witness and a victim.

To this day, I would pay good money to get hooked up to something like Roy from Rick and Morty so I could safely experience it without knowing I was safe. And I'd like to choose as many perspectives as I want. From the hijackers, to the people on the directly impacted floors, the people on floors adjacent to the impact, the people who jumped, the people who were outside and witnessed the crashes and collapses, the people who were trapped on the upper floors and remained inside during the collapse...

Besides 9/11, others at the top of the list are things like mass shootings, earthquakes and other natural disasters, catastrophic workplace accidents (mostly explosions), the sinking of the Titanic, Hiroshima/nuclear testing sites, other war related events, various atrocities committed by/against mankind (like the torture committed by the CIA against people suspected of being involved in the 9/11 attacks), the Heaven's Gate mass suicide, a significant portion of Charles Manson's life... It's a mix of wanting the experience and curiosity about the stories/information that never made it into public knowledge.

I don't have a death wish or anything, it's just for some reason I have a fascination with terror. I love getting sleep paralysis and having nightmares, and I feel a weird sense of catharsis when I wake up and realize I'm safe. My favorite ones are when I'm utterly convinced I'm going to die. Even as a kid I loved terrifying shows (like Courage the Cowardly Dog and Mr.Meaty), and as a teenager it evolved into broader consumption of surrealist art, and then I started watching Live Leak videos where I got a more realistic sense of terror. I watched all of the Bjork stalker's tapes, which, if you aren't familiar, they end with him shooting himself after mailing a letter bomb to her. Knowing he filmed his suicide was what piqued my interest, but I also wanted to get into his head so I started from tape #1.

How weird is all of this? Any psychological explanations/speculations about why I'm like this? (And are there any other subs I should ask this in?)

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[-] stepan@lemmy.cafe 40 points 5 months ago

To some degree it's normal. At some point it starts to be weird.

[-] Dempf@lemmy.zip 9 points 5 months ago

Yours is the best take.

My guilty pleasure is the Air Crash Investigation series, or more recently Mentour Pilot on YouTube. It scratches both itches in my brain -- the logic / engineer side, and the morbid curiosity & fascination with disaster.

The Roy thing is maybe pushing a little into weird. But if this sort of thing wasn't normal then there wouldn't be whole shows, subreddits, etc dedicated to disasters.

[-] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

Thanks for the recommendations ;3

The Roy thing is maybe pushing a little into weird.

That's good to know lol. And tbf it is probably a shortsighted desire considering the potential psychological damage.

It's just that the nightmares I've had where I'm facing inevitable death have been super interesting to me in retrospect, so I figure something akin to Roy would just be that but I have full control over my mind and body.

[-] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

FWIW it's far from my main interest or anything. It's just a mood I get into every so often. I doubt it's something that really shows in my personality, but whenever it comes up I definitely am more interested in tragic news than anyone I know.

I just remembered something that makes me think it runs in my family. My dumbass step brother shot himself through the hand while playing with a gun, and when my mom was telling me about it she excitedly said "you wanna see the bullet hole? :D" and I was like "fuck yeah I do" lmao. It's not exactly tragic but kinda still morbid to some degree

[-] RightHandOfIkaros@lemmy.world 28 points 5 months ago

Yes, I do think that is weird.

[-] Diabolo96@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 5 months ago

Kinda. Still, I believe it's part of human nature. Morbid curiosity has led many of us into watching/reading about fucked up shit.

[-] RightHandOfIkaros@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

Morbid curiosity is different from enjoying the idea of witnessing a tragedy.

Morbid curiosity is wanting to know the solution to a mystery that is morbid in nature. It doesn't necessarily involve getting enjoyment from a tragic event occurring.

[-] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

I don't get enjoyment from a tragic event occurring. And I disagree with your definition of morbid curiosity.

If you actually read what I wrote, you'll see that I'm saying I enjoy being scared, not watching people die. The whole point of the "Roy" thing is that nobody is ever actually in danger. What I'm wanting is an artificial way to experience things like that, which would satiate my curiosity, morbid and otherwise, and gives me the nightmare experience at the same time.

[-] die444die@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

So I don’t have any curiosity about experiencing any of these things in person but I do definitely enjoy the adrenaline rush of being scared. I try to watch scary movies hoping it will bring back that fear I’d get as a kid where it felt like it took me 30 minutes to get down the dark hallway to my room because I was scared after staying up to watch scary movies.

So I definitely chase that scared feeling, but not with real life events. This could be because I have witnessed a few horrifying things in real life and I know it’s not the same feeling - you get an adrenaline rush yes, but you’re left with a despair afterward, unlike watching a scary movie or something on tv.

Still, some of the way you described this resonated with me in some way.

[-] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

Thanks for the honesty lol 😅

[-] Today@lemmy.world 14 points 5 months ago

I think we're all curious about the drama surrounding those types of events. That's why murder shows are so popular. You may be on the risky side of that and talking to a pro could be a good idea.

[-] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

That's why murder shows are so popular

That's a good point. I suppose what I'm interested in is the same thing, just in a less mainstream format.

I've been thinking about getting a therapist for unrelated reasons, and I agree it's probably a good idea to bring it up just in case.

[-] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 14 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I am a sufferer of PTSD from various horrific traumas.

In short: yes. It's weird. You should talk to a professional about it.

If I could take away these debilitating, paralyzing memories and responses my body has formed due to trauma, I would. It prevents me from living a normal life and I suffer from it every day. Even have a note in my charts that lets medical professionals know that my massively elevated heart rate & blood pressure are a trauma/anxiety-response, not an underlying condition.

I guess maybe I'd view your desire as those kids on Tiktok that were mimicking/cosplaying mental illness, autism, & Tourettes syndrome, because they didn't really understand the implications of suffering that a lot of folks who have those things go through.

Again: I'd strongly suggest seeing a professional about this.

[-] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

I guess maybe I'd view your desire as those kids on Tiktok that were mimicking/cosplaying mental illness, autism, & Tourettes syndrome

I don't use TikTok but when I was in grade school I'd see other kids do this, and yeah it's pretty cringe worthy. I think we're on the same page there.

And I definitely don't want PTSD. Sorry if it came across that way. But I think I see what you're saying, and maybe I'm overestimating my mental fortitude. I guess I figured I'd be able to adequately process it if I realized afterwards that none of it was real.

It really stems from curiosity about the facts. But when that curiosity turns to morbid curiosity, a lot of my questions can't be answered, so it seems to me that the only way to satiate that curiosity is to artificially experience the event first hand through something akin to Rick and Morty's Roy game. But obviously that's impossible, so all I have is my imagination.

[-] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 2 points 5 months ago

To be fair, I'm not at all offended by your desires! I understand that some folks have desires that are not necessarily rooted to reality. A fantasy, and that's perfectly fine. Of course no one wants PTSD.

I think my concerns lie in that disconnect, though. Someone fantasizing about a threesome, meeting a historical figure, or a positive experience is something I'd understand. A desire to experience a tragedy? It's a bit alarming. Even knowing that you're just curious about the factual experience, the disassociation from the reality of human suffering paired with the events may cause a pause.

If you're questioning yourself about your desires or people close to you have expressed concern over these thoughts, I'd say go to a professional and talk to someone. Otherwise, research into it. Explore these events, read,watch documentaries, interviews, and things like that.

The human mind is a weird thing. Not inherently bad– just weird. And it's okay to explore that and think about things sometimes.

[-] Toes@ani.social 14 points 5 months ago

That's kinda the intent behind tragic movies and stories? Experiencing something safely.

[-] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

I suppose so. I've never been very big on them tbh, but maybe that's because I haven't found the good ones. Some of the Saw movies were pretty good though.

What I find really compelling, though, is knowing it's the real world I'm seeing. Maybe it comes from growing up so sheltered. Like maybe subconsciously I want to get a feel of how cruel the world can be and what I may have to deal with if I'm unlucky.

[-] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

You may enjoy a book that came out a few years ago by Amanda Ripley called “The Unthinkable - Who Survives when Disaster Strikes and Why”.

I can somewhat relate to what you’re describing (though maybe not to that extreme) and found that this book did a good job of helping me to understand the mindset of folks in these situations so as to ponder what I might have done had I been in their place in a somewhat realistic way.

9/11 and other plane crashes were just a couple of things that she focused on.

[-] eezeebee@lemmy.ca 8 points 5 months ago

I think morbid curiosity is not weird, people rubberneck at car accidents. What you are describing sounds like it is going beyond a passing interest though, and the further you go down that rabbit hole, the weirder it will be.

Since you're asking, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional. You might also consider getting into something like an extreme sport.

[-] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 8 points 5 months ago

Pretty normal to some extent. Look up "morbid curiosity"

[-] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 7 points 5 months ago

Therapy, you need it.

[-] jordanlund@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

In 2001 I was a teacher and I had my TV set to automatically turn on as my alarm clock set to the local news/traffic/weather.

So the TV turns on and it's a plane crashing into the tower, and I'm like WTF? Why are they showing a movie? Where's my news and traffic?

Then the 2nd plane hits and OMFG. That's when it sinks in.

They closed Manhattan. There's talk of a dirty bomb. Nobody knows what's going on and Bush is flying all around like a scared bunny rabbit.

That first night, we knew we were going to war. We didn't know with who yet, but it was clear we were going to war, and if we were super unlucky, Bush might just nuke somebody.

I didn't sleep for a week.

[-] randomguy546@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

Is your name by any chance Dee Reynolds?

[-] deafboy@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

Any relation to this guy?

[-] NeatNit@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 5 months ago

These are some of the worst visual effects I've ever seen, and I can't tell if it's incompetence or fully deliberate and self-aware.

[-] deafboy@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

They totally are. It was quite surprising, because I've only ever watched an HDTV rip before, and the scene looked fine there.

[-] laughterlaughter@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

Which special effects specifically?

[-] NeatNit@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 5 months ago

All of them. The nonsensical overlay when he looks through the binoculars. The CGI shots of the crane that don't remotely match the environment or look and feel of the rest of the footage. How the writing in his notebook is so obviously different in the two shots where they are visible, and how the amount scribbled/crossed out is way too much compared to the timing and audio of it. The weird bright flashes near the end that don't seem to come from anywhere. Even the explosion doesn't look right somehow.

[-] laughterlaughter@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I don't know, man. I love sci-fi and special effects, and I don't think it was that bad.

To me, "the worst special effects I've seen" would be something like Birdemic, or that Lost In Space movie with Matt LeBlanc.

[-] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I love this. I've never heard of or seen it before, but now I want to

[-] Emmie@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I don’t think it is useful to ask this sort of stuff on the web. Like what do you expect? Attention? Validation? Lemmy you are lucky but on Reddit you would be eaten alive and stuck in some self loathing limbo if you already have low enough self esteem to seek confirmation on forum.

The whole premise of seeking confirmation from strangers if you are normal or not is flawed.

[-] Persen@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

If it happens a lot, you might be a psychopath or ADHD.

[-] A_Very_Big_Fan@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

I do have ADHD lol. Most of the time I have these sorts of thoughts, it's while daydreaming or spacing out

[-] Persen@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Well, to clarify, I don't have ADHD, just speaking from outside perspective, as an autistic person. So I might be incorrect.

this post was submitted on 19 May 2024

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