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How come there’s no big gaming community?
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The instances that are federated with one another I believe are publicly listed, somewhere. From there it would be fairly straightforward to create a tool that tells you whether your instance is "compatible" with the one you're interacting with.
Anyone good at coding? Sounds like a project. Make one and add it to the list that I'm sure is also out there somewhere. If there are such useful things, they should be added to all the sidebars and made common knowledge.