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this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2023
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I'm afraid if you are looking after an older person you have to have an eye on the endgame and that might involve going into a care home.
It's best to be open about this and have a discussion with the family, and himself if he is capable.
Have you got all the relevant medical information? Has he been tested for dementia and other issues? All this would be important for that discussion as well as this:
You really need some kind of Power of Attorney but his cognition may have declined beyond the point he could consent to this. It would be worth getting legal advice though.
What if they are resistant to being tested for dementia.
That would be a bad sign in and of itself.
It depends on where you are, but when I took my Dad it wasn't pitched as a test for dementia - it was at a local Memory Clinic and was done to establish a base level for his cognitive abilities to make sure they spot when they start to decline (he passed with flying colours). The clinic was also able to prescribe pills that his GP couldn't, so they sold us on all the benefits.
His GP (or regional equivalent) can do some quick tests - I took my uncle to the doctor once and she ran a few by him like drawing a clock, part of the test at the Memory Clinic (my uncle failed badly, which was quite an eye-opener, you think everyone can draw a clock, until you see someone fail and fail very badly). He was a cantankerous sod but still went along with the tests.
What country and even state you're in starts mattering a lot at that point.
But as far as your personal situation, tell your family you believe this is a concern and that he won't go to doctors for it.
It sounds harsh, but if the family denies it's a problem, let one of them experience what he's like on a day to day basis. He might be able to fake it around them for short times, but wouldn't be able to keep it up for a week long stay.
It's tough love, but at a certain point you have to say you can't take care of him anymore. It won't get better
That, what documents you need and what resources are even an option, is hevely dependent on what country and place you are in.