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oh thank god i found you guys
(lemmy.dbzer0.com)
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I‘ve got one account on lemmy.ml and connect to beehaw through that but one of the first posts I saw there was a discussion on defederating from it cause the mods are tankies. It reminds me of Reddit already haha.
But yeah good advice, seems like choosing main instance is an important part of what experience one has in the fediverse.
I think the instance for people being tankies is the lemmygrad one. My instance, sh.itjust.works, has defederated from this as the only one.