what should i do to stop hurting myself when i'm in distress? (self.mentalhealth)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by aysilu to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world

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cw self-harm, child abuse

::: spoiler spoiler I have been out of my abusive household for like 1.5 months. I ran away with nothing but a small backpack across the whole big country to save myself. I thought getting out of this situation would fix me but I was wrong. I get stuck in old patterns, sometimes I act like i'm still with my family. I feel guilty for everything even thought my best friend i've been living with tells me I haven't done anything wrong. she's sick and tired of me saying "i'm sorry"

sometimes (often) I can't help but cry and beat myself. beating myself helps me stop crying and hating myself so much. especially when I feel i'm guilty and should punish myself like I was punished for every little thing as a child

today I had a flashback into my childhood and then had a vision of the escape day but I didn't succeed in stealth escape like it was in reality, I saw myself being caught and dragged back and punished by my grandmother, I saw myself screaming and fighting her but losing I freaked out and got all hysterical and then uncontrollably beat myself until my friend stopped me

she gets very worried about me when I beat myself or cut myself with a knife (although I have done it only once since I started living with her unlike family times when I used to do it every week to cope with fear and abuse)

so, my question is: how do I make myself feel better if I mustn't hurt myself? sometimes it is things I don't want her to know so I can't always tell it out

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[-] aysilu 4 points 1 year ago

thanks, I'll try the rubber thing if I succeed to get one!

I'll get therapy when I move cities again, my another friend is going to bring me to the therapist who saved him when I get to Moscow but it'll probably be a month or so...

this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2023

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Mental Health

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