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Pretty sure my dead dating life is unrelated to not having a social media presence.
Same here. I didn't date when I was on Facebook and don't date now.
Those who matter don’t mind, those who mind don’t matter
Well put
Dr seuss
It’s never been an issue.
Do most people date by messaging random women on Facebook these days? Am I that out of touch?
Or is the implication that women have “posts pictures of their food online” as a requirement for considering dating someone? If so, who would want to date someone that shallow?
Maybe I’m just old, but I feel like I’m missing something here.
A point that came up in another discussion (elsewhere on Lemmy) is that it can be scarier for women to not find anything about a person that they're meeting for the first time (ex. From a dating app). So if they had to pick between someone who has a presence and someone who has no information, the presence would help.
This doesn't apply to people that you meet in person through work/school/activities or long term friendships
I love the irony of stalking people to make sure they’re not creepy.
stalking is only creep if a man does it.
Curated information isn't really any better than not knowing anything unless the person is too stupid to curate their history. I guess it filters out morons, who should be easy enough to filter out with a quick interaction.
Yes, I also saw a lot of discussion about this on Reddit's askmen. If you don't have a social media presence some women think it's creepy. It seems like the dystopia marches on. My 12 year old son thinks social media is poison and is unlikely to ever use it. I am concerned about how this will affect him in both dating and future employment.
Whats creepy is wanting/expecting to be able to see a detailed history of someone’s social interactions over the past decade or more. To me, that’s in the same category as someone putting a tracking device on the underside of my car and calling me creepy for removing it. How about maybe don’t be an insane stalker? But I’m from the days of “never use your real identity” being the first rule of the internet.
"It's different when a woman is investigating a man" is what they'll unironically say.
Personally I think the concern is a little overblown
I'm around the university aged crowd, and a good number of people have minimal social media. For a lot of people, especially those that aren't in business / CS, it might be hard to find them online unless they have a unique name or they have a close up photo as their profile (and you know what they look like).
So yes it does likely make things harder in some cases (meeting online), but I don't think it's that bad overall. This might be specific to my location, and maybe the culture is different in other big cities
Also it's possible to have a presence without social media
On the other hand I wouldn't take what reddit says as having too much weight.
Well that goes with anything online.
Most people at least look up the name of someone they are going to date on social media, or google them to make sure they aren't an axe murderer, or whatever. Not having a Facebook or whatever isn't a problem, but the lack of info is. There's also plenty of stuff that people can let out on social media that you might want to know about, like racist stuff.
A friend of mine dated a compulsive liar. They didn't have any social media cause it would have made some of their lies obvious. That kind of thing is why some people see the lack of social media as an " orange flag".
Shallow indeed. You can be rejected for being seen having an Android phone. It's wild out there.
women seach your socials as a 'background check'.
Married
Congrats!
It's likely one of the reasons I'm going to die alone
Username
Well that too.
It hasn't. I met my wife in the before times.
What were things like back then? Was your car made out of stone?
Would be a step up from the Geo I was driving at the time.
I'll go with before 2014. I really began hearing about this in 2020 tho.
What's dating life, Precious?
I'm hitting my mid 30s. I did a lot of dating on okcupid, and at school in my 20s, but during the pandemic I deleted my social media and dating apps and I haven't been on a date since. Ive only had one real offer, but I wasn't interested.
Social media has been really enshitified. When I was meeting people online, Facebook actually showed me my friends posts, and okc cupid was like, a list of people I could look at and message. Now OKC is a tinder clone, that is to say, a casino, and my facebook feed is choked with paid placements for Avengers trivia and AI generated soft core porn of angewomon.
My only social media was reddit. Now I have this instead.
But we met on okcupid. She messaged me first. After a couple of weeks of chatting I suggested we meet up for coffee.
Married almost a decade.
So 50, married 20 years. Met my wife via a Craig’s List classified ad. No social media presence. These days I think it would act as a convenient filter to remove people who think a social media presence is a necessary thing from my dating pool?
Instead of not having a partner, I don’t have a partner, but with more free time to be sad about it.
Introverted late GenX/early millennial cis het male here. I didn't date much, but I had a pretty evenly mixed and diverse friend group. It helps the most that I moved from a small town to a major metropolitan area, which greatly expanded my friend group. I met one girlfriend when she was visiting her cousin and we hit it off. I met my wife at a friend's wedding, but we didn't start dating until two years later.
My advice to younger ones looking for love is this: widen out your friend group. Diversify in age, gender, race, and culture of origin. Not to find romantic partners in those areas, but to widen your in-person social network. I learned so much about my own romantic needs through my friendships with others. I got called out on creepy behavior by friends that were girls, I got kind advice on grooming by older guy friends. I adjusted my behaviors through simple association. None of that would have happened if I had stayed in my comfort zone (playing Xbox with my fellow nerds). And as I met friends of friends, I sometimes clicked with one on a romantic level. Not many, and definitely not all, and sometimes I was rejected, but that's life, right?
Today I've been married for over a decade. Some of the friendships I made have lasted, some have not. That didn't make them less valuable. I acknowledge that I'm coming from a different era. The way I made friends may not work today. At the time it was organic. I recognized my own nature to withdraw from people, and actively worked against it. If an invitation came, I accepted. I don't know if invitations would come today in person, but if you have some friends that are social media savvy that could be your in
Realized many years ago that social media was making me more depressive so I simply stopped interacting with it. Tried dating apps as well and had numerous issues with their reliability and lack of honesty.
I've found a community of people online that I interact with and that has made me content with being single.
It would be nice to get back into the dating scene but I don't believe there is a way that makes me feel comfortable.
Lot of these guys saying it doesn't matter cause they're married. My ex of 10 years cheated so no social media means I have nothing except my daughter and work friends.
I agree social media background checks are creepy so let that filter run. Focused on my kid so if that isn't good enough, it will be for someone eventually maybe.
Also only 32. There's always 2 sides of the story but every person that's left my life hurt me before doing it so trust issues abound means no real friends as an introvert anymore.
I'm 21 and single so I haven't been in the before times for dating. It hasn't changed anything really. If she ask for my Instagram and I say I don't have one it's usually "oh cool so you don't use social media that much" or "haha so you're off the grid" something like that and then it's never really brought up again. If it does change something then stay away from a chick like that
I'm not currently active on dating apps, but when I last was a couple years ago, it wasn't a problem. I'm findable online, since I have a blog and several professional profiles set up to make it easier to pass HR checks when applying for jobs, so that may have helped. But overall it hasn't been a concern with any of my partners.
I'm 35 and haven't really used social media except reddit in a decade+. Has had absolutely no effect on my dating life. I really don't know what social media would add to my dating life I guess? I wouldn't be looking for a partner on there. I'm a pretty social guy in general anyways so maybe that makes up for it.
I date a lot. A lot of social media addicted women find it offputting and suspicous. The ones that don't think it's healthy and positive.
It hasn't. It was dead for many years, and i am finally not single without changing anything
Online trash never helped me
I think having accounts I don't use is better than having nothing.
I haven't really contemplated that much. All of my partners over the years have come from in person interaction. Of course, I've never been on social media, so I'm sure my perspective is different.
this post was submitted on 04 Feb 2024
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