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submitted 12 hours ago by SpaceFox@lemmy.ml to c/askmeanything@lemmy.ca

When I was 20 I was diagnosed by a psychologist with having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. At first I was in denial about but over time I come to terms with my narcissism and the diagnosis started to make sense to me. A lot of my problems can be traced back to my unrealistic self image and lack of ability to relate with others.

There's a lot of stigma towards NPD. I hope by making this thread I can help others understand that having NPD doesn't inherently make you a bad person and NPD hurts the person with it as well.

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[-] jqubed@lemmy.world 4 points 6 hours ago

Has being diagnosed helped you?

If you don’t mind sharing, what lead to the diagnosis?

For a small background: psychologists who have worked with my stepdaughter have expressed that her bio-dad (my wife’s ex-husband) has displayed some traits that could indicate NPD, but of course he would have to be formally evaluated for a diagnosis and that’s difficult to get someone with the disorder to do. The last time they were in court the judge was flabbergasted by his behavior and during the judgment expressed that he was close to ordering a mental evaluation, which I think is the only way we would ever know for sure. It’s pretty obvious that if he has the disorder then it has caused many negative impacts for him, but it is also hard to feel any sympathy towards him when I see how much harm he has done to two of the people I care about the most. It might be hard to accept if he ever was diagnosed and some treatment actually helped to counter the destructive behaviors simply because of how much damage was already done.

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 1 points 5 hours ago

"Has being diagnosed helped you?"

Yes, definitely. It gives me a lot more insight into myself and I now understand myself better.

"If you don’t mind sharing, what lead to the diagnosis?"

Good question. That's for the therapist to decide. With that said it's never just one thing. It could have been a whole series of factors that let to the diagnosis. If I meet that psychologist again I'll ask him.

"For a small background: psychologists who have worked with my stepdaughter have expressed that her bio-dad (my wife’s ex-husband) has displayed some traits that could indicate NPD, but of course he would have to be formally evaluated for a diagnosis and that’s difficult to get someone with the disorder to do. The last time they were in court the judge was flabbergasted by his behavior and during the judgment expressed that he was close to ordering a mental evaluation, which I think is the only way we would ever know for sure. It’s pretty obvious that if he has the disorder then it has caused many negative impacts for him, but it is also hard to feel any sympathy towards him when I see how much harm he has done to two of the people I care about the most. It might be hard to accept if he ever was diagnosed and some treatment actually helped to counter the destructive behaviors simply because of how much damage was already done."

What an awful story. It goes without saying that not everyone with NPD is like that. If you don't mind me asking why was he in court?

[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 5 points 8 hours ago

Joke question: jeez man, why you gotta make the post all about you?

Serious question: have you engaged in narcissistic abuse of anyone?

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 4 points 6 hours ago

What even is "narcissistic" abuse? How is it any different then regular abuse?

[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 hours ago

It's about methodology and motivation, really.

Narcissistic abusers tend to things like gaslighting more than insults, or pushing the victim's buttons to make them seem unstable to get sympathy/attention. It tends to be about manipulation over direct abuse, though there is direct abuse sometimes.

An example would be a parent that constantly criticizes their child indirectly, by comparing them to "bad" kids, and then saying how good their child has it because some parents wouldn't put up with whatever imagined flaw is present.

Not that a narcissistic abuser never does direct abuse, they can and do. It's just that they tend to worry about appearances, so they reserve it for limited use. Like, the kid that makes a mistake in public and then gets beat at home because they made the parent look bad.

[-] moistclump@lemmy.world 2 points 7 hours ago

Have you had relationships? How do they go?

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 2 points 5 hours ago

Yes I have. When I was 14-15 I Dated a guy for a few months. It got old quickly. We stopped caring about each after a few months. When I was 19 I dated a guy for a few months but again I lost interest after a few months. It's hard for me to have a long term relationship with anyone. I get jealous easily and I can be very one sided. I've got my eyes set on someone at the moment. I'm going to see a therapist soon. I know I can love I just have problems. I need to learn to empathize with others and be more dedicated.

[-] iii@mander.xyz 1 points 2 hours ago

I need to learn to empathize with others and be more dedicated.

You might like this book: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57129176-the-art-of-receiving-and-giving

[-] Rentlar@lemmy.ca 7 points 10 hours ago

Thanks for making this AMA, I not too knowledgeable in this area so please forgive me if I am insensitive in asking this:

What kind of strategies do you employ to fulfil your need for attention, without acting rudely to others?

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 10 points 9 hours ago

It’s no problem. There’s a lot of things I do/did for attention. When I was younger I used to take the wildest drugs I could get my hands on and brag to my classmates. I use social media a lot and I've got some friends that I use. Nightclubs and bars are good. There's always a lot of attention to get from there.

Ever since I was a teen I've found my self being very promiscuous. It's the best way to get attention from others.

[-] VerdantSporeSeasoning@lemmy.ca 15 points 12 hours ago

How does your lack of ability to connect manifest?

Do you feel connected to characters in books or movies/do their hardships affect you?

Are you doing any kind of exercises to change patterns around thinking/relating?

How do you feel NPD hurts you?

Last one, don't answer if you don't want, but what caused you to seek out professional help?

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 12 points 11 hours ago

"How does your lack of ability to connect manifest?"

Very superficial and short term relationships. It can be very isolating at times. I can connect to others but only if there really close to me.

"Do you feel connected to characters in books or movies/do their hardships affect you?"

They don't. There just made up.

"Are you doing any kind of exercises to change patterns around thinking/relating?"

Sometimes I think about others like there me. I know that sounds odd but helps me understand them. I try not to make everything about my self. I listen to others.

"How do you feel NPD hurts you?"

Yes, that's what I'm trying to get across in this thread. NPD is like a drug there's highs and lows. Sometimes when something good happens I just have this feeling that I deserve it. That I'm worthy but with that there's come downs. Sometimes things don't go to plan and makes me mad because how can I be wrong? It's hard to accept there's something wrong with you because you put yourself up on a pedestal and every mistake feels like your cracks are showing. You think that everyone else is as interested in you as you are.

"Last one, don’t answer if you don’t want, but what caused you to seek out professional help?"

I was having suicidal thoughts. I stopped seeing the psychologist cuz I lost interest.

[-] inlandempire@jlai.lu 11 points 12 hours ago

Thanks for being open about it! How does it manifest? What's your experience interacting with other people?

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 16 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

No problem. I'm obsessed with how others look at me and I need constant validation and attention. I'm very driven by short term pleasure. I care more about the immediate validation and attention from others then long term relationships.

I found it hard to relate to others. Everyone else is like a secondary character or a NPC. I know this may sound bad but I found it hard to care about other people. I love my family and friends but it's hard to give anyone else attention.

[-] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 8 points 12 hours ago
[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 5 points 11 hours ago
[-] LucasWaffyWaf@lemmy.world 8 points 10 hours ago

I think they're making a jokey dig at their parent, who I assume also has NPD.

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 9 points 10 hours ago

I see this thing a lot. People think that anyone they don't like has NPD. I wonder how they would feel if a loved one told them they had NPD?

[-] i_stole_ur_taco@lemmy.ca 4 points 6 hours ago

This is a great observation. I find it absolutely amazing how many spouses of my friends spontaneously develop NPD as soon as they separate.

It’s almost like…. there’s no disorder, it’s just anger at an ex partner, but using sciencey words is supposed to bolster their case.

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 4 points 5 hours ago

This happens all the time these days. You don't feel empathy your an "empath"🙄, your mom didn't tell you to go to sleep on a school night she "verbally abuse" you and "triggered your trauma", you have an interest in something more then your average person does? now you've a "hyperfectation" ect... ect...

It's weird how "mental health awareness" MFers will completely change the record when it comes to cluster B personality disorders or the none hacking wholesome big chungus mental illness's like pychopathy, BPD and schizophrenia. Nowadays, "schizophrenia" just means weird or doing something differently and "autism" just means the same thing.

[-] iii@mander.xyz 8 points 12 hours ago

What's your relationship with social media like? Active selfie-poster?

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 11 points 12 hours ago

I use it a lot. I love when people interact with my posts or just comment. I can't get enough of it although that can be said for most people these days.

[-] Misspelledusernme@lemmy.world 6 points 12 hours ago

What do you do for a living? How does NPD impact your work? Is it beneficial or detrimental? I imagine there are careers that would be particularly suited for someone with NPD.

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 5 points 11 hours ago

I'm a cook at burger king. I don't see how NPD would affect that. It's way more detrimental then beneficial as all the benefits are imagined. I don't know if any careers suited for someone with NPD.

[-] iii@mander.xyz 3 points 11 hours ago

I'd have guessed you might have been attracted to a job on-stage. Actor/musician/...

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 5 points 10 hours ago

I can see where your coming from. Who wouldn't want to be famous?

[-] sylphrin@sh.itjust.works 3 points 4 hours ago

Me. I hate being in the spotlight. My own wedding made me very uncomfortable because I was the centre of attention, one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life

[-] Sunshine@lemmy.ca 6 points 12 hours ago

How does it feel to admit fault or to apologize?

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 7 points 11 hours ago

It's like admitting defeat. I don't remember the last time I said "sorry" to someone tho.

[-] Sunshine@lemmy.ca 2 points 11 hours ago

If you want to practice with me, you can apologize for using Reddit if you have before.

I apologize for using windows in the past :P

[-] Vilian@lemmy.ca 2 points 5 hours ago

Shut up, god I had second hand embarrassment from that

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 6 points 11 hours ago

Why would I apologize for using Reddit? Or windows?

[-] jerkface@lemmy.ca 2 points 5 hours ago
[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 1 points 5 hours ago
[-] jerkface@lemmy.ca 1 points 3 hours ago

You would apologize for using Reddit, as an exercise in attempting an apology. Just to see if you can even do that. Everyone knows Reddit is not your fault. That's not the point.

[-] Sunshine@lemmy.ca 5 points 11 hours ago

They’re proprietary and less user friendly.

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 10 points 11 hours ago

Shouldn't windows or Reddit be sorry for that?

[-] Sunshine@lemmy.ca 6 points 11 hours ago

They would be if enough of their userbase switches to foss alternatives.

[-] SpaceFox@lemmy.ml 4 points 11 hours ago
this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2024
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