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I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, "Yeah all the time." I can't tell if it's sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we've heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

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[-] solrize@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

I wouldn't know first hand but there is a whole trope and many books about this.

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=%22cucumbers+are+better+than+men%22

[-] itsgoodtobeawake@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Zappa even has a song about this very subject, from 1967.

Call any vegetable https://youtu.be/XhDXbElN1oY?si=I1GT-6SFweEeNuAO

[-] suction@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

It’s not real, son. 99% things said and shown on social media aren’t. Try to not be a little bitch for once.

[-] Somethingcheezie@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

My ex was an operating room nurse. She had a few choice stories.

Dude came in with an English cucumber stuffed so far up there they needed to knock him out to remove it. It’s all slithery and soft. It was literally baked.

My ex used to love cucumber. Chow down on them all the time. Not after that.

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[-] hOrni@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Can... can I have some.

[-] Socsa@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 months ago
[-] Floey@lemm.ee 3 points 3 months ago

Better that only you know than everybody knows but nobody wants to talk about it. Communal shame is terrifying. Here's an excerpt from the story Guts.

This friend of mine, he waits months under a black cloud, waiting for his folks to confront him. And they never do. Ever. Even now he's grown up, that invisible carrot hangs over every Christmas dinner, every birthday party. Every Easter egg hunt with his kids, his parents' grandkids, that ghost carrot is hovering over all of them.

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this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2024
624 points (100.0% liked)

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