243
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] chunes@lemmy.world 172 points 3 weeks ago

The last thing they said. I'll never have to say "What?" 4 times in a row again.

[-] lonefighter@sh.itjust.works 55 points 3 weeks ago

You win. The amount of times I've wished the real world had subtitles...

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] ChicoSuave@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[-] Akh@lemmy.world 148 points 3 weeks ago

Number of times they molested kids.

[-] sunsofold@lemmy.zip 81 points 3 weeks ago

Monkey paw's finger curls: You can see them. They're EVERYWHERE. People you thought you knew and loved have numbers greater than zero over their head. Despite your horror, you try to make use of the power to try to bring them to justice. No one believes you. You have the Cassandra's curse of the status quo. 'Steve? What are you talking about? He'd never do anything like that. Butter wouldn't melt. You should probably shut your mouth before we get offended about what you said about our friend and kick the shit out of you. Know what I mean?' You watch the news and see everyone who has a position of power over you and your loved ones has a non-zero number. You try to escape into fictional media but your favorite actors are non-zeroes, the author pictures in your favorite books show non-zeroes, the album sleeves of your favorite bands show non-zeroes.

Knowledge can be a burden.

[-] EggInDisguise 31 points 3 weeks ago

Justice can be brought without anyone believing a thing you say.

[-] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 34 points 3 weeks ago

Ehh. Serial killers tend to only get so far.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (7 replies)
[-] MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca 48 points 3 weeks ago

We truly live in the worst timeline that this would even be considered.

load more comments (5 replies)
[-] tanisnikana@lemmy.world 90 points 3 weeks ago

First name.

"Hey Janine, can you move your cart out of the way, thanks, gonna get by here and go get some ice cream sandwiches."

"Excuse me, Ravi, trying to get off the train, one moment, thanks."

"Oh hey, you're a Tanis too, just like me, neat!"

This will absolutely weird everyone out.

[-] meco03211@lemmy.world 16 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Oh of course I'll play your game Rumplest... random stranger.

load more comments (7 replies)
[-] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 74 points 3 weeks ago

Realtime running count of lies told

load more comments (12 replies)

How likely they are to have sex with me this very second behind those bushes over there.

Good God I'm shallow sometimes...

[-] zikzak025@lemmy.world 91 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

"This stupid stat is broken, it just shows 0 for everybody."

[-] MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca 32 points 3 weeks ago

Laughs in ugly

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[-] TootSweet@lemmy.world 53 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Is "how much I would like them on a scale from 0 to 10 (with a resolution of like 0.01) if I got to know them at a deep level" allowed? Or is that cheating?

[-] TehBamski@lemmy.world 24 points 3 weeks ago

It's a hypothetical question, so yeah. It can be whatever you want it to be. =)

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works 49 points 3 weeks ago

all the others seem a lot more invasive, so I'll go with their pronouns/gender so I never have to ask and be awkward

load more comments (6 replies)
[-] Witchfire@lemmy.world 45 points 3 weeks ago

I'm here to toot for the "lifetime farts" number

[-] fork@feddit.online 24 points 3 weeks ago

I was gonna say a percentage of how close they are to their next fart, lol.

[-] veniasilente@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 3 weeks ago

«WARNING: FART INCOMING»

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[-] mp3@lemmy.ca 39 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

% of how genuine they are with me, easy to figure out who's worth the time and who isn't.

Could be a problem in a relationship tho. I take it back, just the cumulative numbers of fart in a lifetime.

[-] zikzak025@lemmy.world 27 points 3 weeks ago

The "genuineness" statistic sounds like the sort of thing that would gradually drive me insane.

I'd probably end up staring into the mirror and seeing an abysmally low number for myself.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[-] tuckerm@feddit.online 38 points 3 weeks ago

Some kind of "empathy score." Not sure what the formula would be, but it would reflect how readily they feel empathy for another person, and how many other people they can care about.

A narcissist would have a 0 -- they can only care about themself. Someone with very limited empathy would have a small number -- say, they can only care about their immediate family, and they need to really get to know someone before they care about that person. People who naturally care about others, even if they don't know the other person, would have high numbers.

This number would sometimes just flat out tell you that certain people should be avoided, or certain conversations are pointless with that person. Or if you do need to try to convince them of something, the number may show you how to frame the conversation. E.g., show how it's in their own interest if they have a low number.

[-] garbagebagel@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago

I can't tell if that would end up depressing the crap out of me or making me feel better about the world. My pessimistic brain tells me there are far more un-empathic people in the world than I'd like to acknowledge.

load more comments (8 replies)
[-] BodePlotHole@lemmy.world 37 points 3 weeks ago

A scale of 1-10 at how likely we could be friends.

[-] Scrollone@feddit.it 20 points 3 weeks ago

Put me in horny jail, but I think the world would be a better place if we could see a measure of how likely we could be mating partners.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] Doom@lemmy.world 35 points 3 weeks ago

An icon to indicate if they washed their hands after the last time they used the bathroom.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] redwattlebird@thelemmy.club 30 points 3 weeks ago

A boolean indicating if they want a conversation or not

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] MojoMcJojo@lemmy.world 29 points 3 weeks ago
load more comments (6 replies)
[-] Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world 29 points 3 weeks ago

Number of racial slurs used genuinely.

[-] _fryerDan@sh.itjust.works 52 points 3 weeks ago

aw man that would be rough for those of us who were raised by terrible people but learned how to be a better human

[-] plaztek@piefed.ca 21 points 3 weeks ago

I feel a better one would be amount of time since the last slur was used, or number used in the past 30 days or something.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] pHr34kY@lemmy.world 29 points 3 weeks ago

Number of cumulative years they would be imprisoned for, had they been caught and convicted of every single crime they ever committed.

I'm betting most adults are not at zero.

load more comments (7 replies)
[-] felsiq@piefed.zip 28 points 3 weeks ago

How willing they are to talk to you right now. You can always pick the right person to talk to if you need to ask a question, give a friend the exact amount of space they need if they’re going thru something, and easily identify people that are interested in you (or not). Best of all, though, you can spot someone who’s a little too eager to talk and avoid a hostage-style conversation where they won’t let you leave politely

[-] mrcleanup@lemmy.world 30 points 3 weeks ago

Your eyes scan the room, skimming the numbers. Everyone is in their own conversation, 20, 35, 15, nothing promising until you spot an 85. Their back is turned but you make your way through the crowd to their side of the room. You say "Hey", and they turn, and as soon at they see you their number starts to drop. 75, 60 45, 10. Ouch, sometimes you wonder why you even try.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] ladybugs@lemmy.world 26 points 3 weeks ago

None. Someday, some company will build and sell a tool that actually does that, and it will be hella privacy invasive. Actually, it'll probably just be another invasive feature added to the Ray Ban perv glasses.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] DougPiranha42@lemmy.world 24 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

HP bar, level, and whether they have aggro

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] raspirate@lemmy.world 23 points 3 weeks ago

Total net worth. No hidden assets or secret bank accounts. Every last cent that a person is worth. Also, it gets brighter/more noticeable whenever you're advocating for something that increases your net worth.

I feel like this would be the only way to get a lot of people to connect the dots.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] petrichornetrainfall@piefed.social 22 points 3 weeks ago

A percentage of how much our core values/morals/beliefs align, weighted by how important they are to us.

It would make it super easy to know upfront who I should include in my life and who I shouldnt.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] thedeadwalking4242@lemmy.world 21 points 3 weeks ago

Number of times they've lied

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] uKale@lemmy.world 20 points 3 weeks ago

A sort of hunger bar. It would be useful in so many situations.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] mdalin@infosec.pub 18 points 3 weeks ago

Similar to some other answers here, but "number of times they've deliberately lied". Not only do you get an instant "trustworthiness" stat, you also get to know if they're lying to you right now.

[-] barooboodoo@lemmy.zip 32 points 3 weeks ago

This stat is useless for anyone that's worked customer service though.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[-] memfree@piefed.social 18 points 3 weeks ago

Quality of Life impact: How much damage (or benefit) their actions (work, lifestyle, whatever) have done for the net quality of life across the globe. I figure anyone who drives to work is probably doing a little more harm than good, but perhaps they make up for it by being a good school teacher or something, whereas AI coders might make things worse ... but mostly I'd like to see if ANY world leaders score in the positive.

load more comments (5 replies)
[-] Chozo@fedia.io 17 points 3 weeks ago
[-] wakko@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago

Just a simple binary 0 or 1 to indicate whether the person means what they said literally or figuratively.

I don't really care to invade people's privacy, even for altruistic-seeming reasons. I just need a hint about how to interpret a person every so often.

[-] Objection@lemmy.ml 16 points 3 weeks ago
load more comments (4 replies)
[-] Zacryon@feddit.org 16 points 3 weeks ago

Asshole ratio: 0 % = best person in the world.
100 % = worst person in the world.

Computed as an average of bad "actions" with respect to all actions.

Good and bad evaluated with respect to proven positive impact on people's lifes and the planet.

load more comments (4 replies)
[-] fruitycoder@sh.itjust.works 16 points 3 weeks ago

Times they told the truth.

If it's objective truth, sweet! Motherload I can asking anyone the a question to the secrets of the universe and know whether they're wild guess was true!

If it's subjective truth, also useful, but you know just lies or ignorance detector

load more comments (3 replies)
[-] theneverfox@pawb.social 15 points 3 weeks ago

Time left to live. There's plenty of useful things that tell you more about a person, but shinigami eyes would let you save lives and know it, even if no one else does

And if it turns out the number can't be changed through your actions, that would tell you a lot. If nothing else, you could say goodbye to loved ones and get incredibly rich by finding a CEO about to run out of time

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2026
243 points (100.0% liked)

Ask Lemmy

40797 readers
1005 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, toxicity and dog-whistling are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !uspolitics@lemmy.world


7) No Hit-and-Run questions.
Please don't delete your post for no apparent reason. If you plan on deleting a question later, say so in the post, or if you feel that you have a good reason to remove it, message a mod beforehand. It's not fair to the ones who took their time to answer, and it's not in the spirit of the community.


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS