There's a reason so many people who suffer from chronic loneliness are told to first join some kind of socially-integrated hobby, activity, or group: Doing something you already enjoy, in the company of other people who enjoy the same thing, is likely to bring you people you are more likely to vibe with.

One of the best possible ways to start actually finding people you enjoy being around is to go to activities that involve people with a similar set of interests to you. For example, if I go to my local hackerspaces/makerspaces, I'm going to find a fuck ton of people who are interested in the same technology as me, and that means I'm probably gonna find people that have similar interests overall.

The main problem is that with the major reduction in third places, and with things becoming more and more costly to do, (e.g. my nearest makerspace costs over $100/mo to be a part of) it's hard to actually get into those social circles where you can meet people that you'll actually like being around.

This so much. My depressed ass with social anxiety is getting more and more lonely everyday.

I think the larger problem is that a huge portion of our planets current inhabitants don't know how to have a conversation. I've tried so hard to have actual conversations to go deeper than "the weather/work/kids/etc." It seems almost impossible to find someone who can not only think for themselves, but also think of something to CONTRIBUTE to the conversation.

It always goes like this (where I am from):

Me - (sees a few tattoos on their person) "I see you have some tattoos! Do they hold any special meaning to you, or did you just think they'd look good/cool? :)"

Them - "I just thought they were cool."

Literally it. In the same position, even from someone who doesn't like talking either, I would ask if the person asking about my tattoos has any. It's really as simple as that for most people, or could be, I should say.

I stopped putting so much time into trying to open doors for actual conversation a few years ago when I realized people just don't know how to talk to actual humans any more. It's fucking weird.

*I understand some people have issues with social activities, and no harm done. This is a very common thing though, and I just don't believe 90% of people who I have interacted with are those types of people, if you know what I mean?

It's only when you start to learn to be happy alone, is when other people want to be around you.

Totally get you. I was 100% born in the wrong place and only understood whats normal after I moved.

Meeting other people's friends groups (as you described meeting your partner's friends) is a great way to shortcut that awkwardness. Its not just that someone else has done the hard work of filtering folks out, but that people are just on better form when with friends. Part of the problem of making friends in random social events is most people are either a bit awkward or putting on a social 'mask', which makes it harder to actually identify the people you'd like once you got past that.

My wife social circle has a bunch of people who entered as someone's partner for a whole, but stayed friends with us after they broke up (even if there was a delicate period post-split where we hung out with them both, but never together).

You have to keep searching. If you don't try, you won't get it.

Shit is awkward sometimes but great. You're right, finding people who are that right amount is difficult. Find them.

Try a revolution of the mind. Instead of looking for people who vibe with you, try to identify people with whom you can vibe. Instead of trying to get people to like you, allow yourself to like someone else. Then give that person a small compliment about the thing you like about them. “I like this guy’s jokes.” They will understand that you’re a fan, and you will have a mew friend.

Yeah, and even among your people there may be some measure of discomfort.

I really miss how friendships and socializing used to be before social media.

Yeah it’s hard to stay motivated when you keep on meeting just acquaintances

I guess it’s like a good doctor or therapist you gotta just keep on trying and hope you find one among all the rest…