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This happen to anyone?
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No, I'm just looking at it realistically instead of dumbing it down to a kindergarten reading level. "Lying bad" is such a numbskull take. Obviously it's better to be honest about the food you're serving people, but different lies are different amounts of bad. I shouldn't even have to explain this. If you feed me a seemingly mushroom-based dish, then reveal that it was actually made with tofu, that's not good. For all you know, I'm allergic to soy. If you instead tell me that that dish actually had veal in it, that would be worse.
On top of not knowing about any potential allergies, there's an extra layer of moral opposition. I'm not giving vegans some special pass here, that was the point of the cannibalism example. You feeding a cannibalistic friend beef under the pretense that it's human meat isn't a good thing, but it's not as bad as your cannibalistic friend feeding you long pig under the pretense that it's pork.
Deontology is the ethical basis for veganism. If you’re lying to your meat-preferring friends to trick them into eating plant-based alternatives then you’re using your friends in an attempt to further your own aims; you’re using other people as a means to an end. That’s not a mildly bad thing, that’s a violation of one of the ethical principles (prohibition on exploitation) of veganism.
Now I don’t support reacting with violence to something like that but I do believe it’s fully justified to decline to dine with a friend/relative in future who does that.
can you support this?
You might want to read up on deontology, then you’d see that my statement is obvious, not controversial.
this is hand waiving, not evidence
among deontologists, it's controversial. Kant, himself, was not a vegan. I don't think you know what you're talking about, which is why I asked for evidence.